Am I going to die from this?

I got rattled yesterday.

Our final quote for our first cabin’s off-grid energy system came through- £2k more than expected.


This sent my mind racing.

First, I was frustrated with supplier who sent the quote- why wasn’t this clear earlier?

Next I was fretting about the implications.

Finally my thoughts turned to all the other outstanding tasks. A sense of overwhelm followed.

After an hour of fairly unproductive typing I dragged myself away from my laptop, grabbed a book, my journal and went for a stroll.

A quick stroll to the local path and I sat down to write:

“I’m a little rattled this afternoon!”
“How come?”
“Basically the solar bill came back higher than expected.”
“Ok… Are you likely to die from this?”
“Haha no…”
“Then there’s nothing to worry about! So it comes in expensive… Amor Fati! Figure it out with the supplier”.
“The learning: I should have got to the bottom of this earlier… Now I know for next time!”

I hadn’t planned to write this so I was pleasantly surprised at how it turned out.

Writing has an amazing power to help you gain an objective lens through which our worries seem petty and irrelevant.

Not only did I diffuse the worry but I also realised where my mistake had been and internalised this lesson for next time.

On the walk back to my flat I mused that, although I’m not in much danger of dying from this, I will die someday!

Wouldn’t it be a shame to waste the time I have left worrying.

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